JOHANNESBURG — Radio personality Gareth Cliff, who keeps a home laboratory for inorganic chemistry, says he has found conclusive proof that the ANC is evil after looking properly at a periodic table for the first time.
“Arsenic and lead on the same page, and not one word from Luthuli House,” Cliff said on Tuesday.
He said the toxic elements were only the start. Cliff pointed to the noble gases, an entire column of elements that refuse to react to anything yet still insist on being called noble. “That’s the cabinet,” he said.
He was surprised to find copper still listed at number 29. “In Gauteng that would have been stripped out by now.”
Cliff has circled gold, symbol Au, and written “PHALA PHALA?” next to it in red pen. He believes the remaining reserves are in a couch somewhere in Limpopo.
He was most troubled by uranium, which he linked directly to the nuclear deal with Russia. “Half-life of four and a half billion years. That’s roughly how long we’d still be paying for it.”
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The Hadeda Heckler is a South African satirical news website. Some stories are invented, others are exaggerated and a few are disturbingly close to the truth. Any resemblance to actual government competence or the stupidity of the average man or woman is purely coincidental.
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