PRETORIA — To understand the Blue Bulls supporter, start with the jersey. It is the most important item of clothing he will ever own. He gets married in a suit but gets buried in the jersey.
Blue is not a colour but a religion. On a clear Highveld afternoon, the sky matches the jersey, which supporters regard as proof that God supports the Bulls.
Loyalty begins early. By three months, a baby is dressed in blue, registered as a season-ticket holder and identified as a future Springbok.
The typical supporter hasn’t bought a new jersey since 2009. It still fits, provided he doesn’t breathe.
Loftus Versfeld is the spiritual centre of the universe. Jerusalem and Mecca are considered secondary destinations.
Therapy is unnecessary. Emotional problems are resolved with a braai, six brandies and complaints about modern rugby.
Supporters are also remarkably tolerant of other cultures, provided they speak Afrikaans, eat meat and worship Victor Matfield.
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The Hadeda Heckler is a South African satirical news website. Some stories are invented, others are exaggerated and a few are disturbingly close to the truth. Any resemblance to actual government competence or the stupidity of the average man or woman is purely coincidental.
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