JOHANNESBURG — A Johannesburg man who spent the whole morning waiting for a Takealot delivery says the driver finally called at the exact moment he sat down on the toilet.
The man had cleared his diary and stayed within three metres of the front door since 8 a.m. By lunchtime, he said, he had started to think the parcel wasn’t coming that day.
“I checked the app about 40 times. It just said ‘Out for Delivery’, which can mean five minutes or next Thursday. In the end, nature called.”
Neighbours say the driver had been parked outside the house for some time.
“He was sitting on his bike, scrolling on his phone, totally relaxed,” said one. “Then the guy goes to the bathroom and, boom, he’s dialling.”
The call came about eight seconds after the man had committed himself.
“He said, ‘Boss, I’m outside.’ I said give me two minutes. He said he had other deliveries and couldn’t wait.”
Drivers are widely believed to know when a customer is in the shower, on the toilet or otherwise unable to reach the door.
“People think it’s GPS,” said a former driver. “It’s not. You develop a feel for it. A house goes very quiet when someone has finally given up waiting and gone to the toilet.”
Takealot did not respond to questions, but says its delivery process is built around efficiency and customer convenience.
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The Hadeda Heckler is a South African satirical news website. Some stories are invented, others are exaggerated and a few are disturbingly close to the truth. Any resemblance to actual government competence or the stupidity of the average man or woman is purely coincidental.
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