JOHANNESBURG — With Australia returning to South Africa for their first Test series since 2018, hardware stores are moving sandpaper into locked cabinets alongside expensive power tools.
The precautions follow the infamous Newlands scandal, when Cameron Bancroft was caught using sandpaper to alter the cricket ball, resulting in lengthy bans for himself, Steve Smith and David Warner.
‘Anyone purchasing more than two sheets of 120-grit will need to prove they’re renovating a house,’ said a Builders manager.
Cricket South Africa is reportedly considering additional security measures, including mandatory pocket inspections and restrictions on loose-fitting trousers.
Australian officials insist the precautions are unnecessary.
‘We’ve worked hard to rebuild trust,’ said a fictional team spokesperson. ‘Our players now understand there are proper procedures for altering the condition of a ball.’
South African supporters remain divided.
‘Everyone deserves a second chance,’ said one fan. ‘Besides, it’s been eight years. They’ve probably found better methods.’
Author
The Hadeda Heckler is a South African satirical news website. Some stories are invented, others are exaggerated and a few are disturbingly close to the truth. Any resemblance to actual government competence or the stupidity of the average man or woman is purely coincidental.
Discover more from The Hadeda Heckler
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.